O Nicaragua...

I think when you truly love someone, their little idiosyncrasies that make them who they are drive you nuts and also make you laugh.  Considering that I'm falling in love with the country of Nicaragua (and the developing world in general), I wanted to share some of its idiosyncrasies that drove me nuts today.  Prepare yourself for a little Julie sass.

I needed import and export data for all products going in and out of Nicaragua.  Now, you are probably thinking (naively), as I did, that these would be managed by the same government organization.  This is not the case. 

Additionally, neither imports nor exports are available online (fully).  And the small sampling of data that is available online is in PDF, but let's not get me too riled up.  I am truly thankful for this valuable opportunity to practice my copy/paste skills- add that to my resume.

For the record, I would hardly consider USA Trade Online the golden standard, considering their website looks like I made it.  But I am at least proud to be an American considering the alternative...

Nicaraguan government websites look like advertisements for a kindergarten. 

Pink, really?  I mean, it's my favorite color, but even if I was the princess of this country, I wouldn't use pink webpages.  If I can't wear a tutu all the time, a government should not use pink, childish designs.

And just quickly notice the revolutionary language they use... Daniel Ortega may have overthrown a dictator, but he turned himself into an "avant-garde" version, with revolutionary propaganda masking his unending rule.

Ok, but let's get back to my story...

So I need export data.  Piece of cake.  Just email Ana Maria who gives me the email of the infamous but only semi-elusive webmaster at CETREX (website design TOTALLY beats USA Trade Online, by the way).  Send off an email, get a reply saying I can't have all that data, re-design data request in new email and.....  still waiting for the reply.  But I'd say that's serious progress compared to....

The NIGHTMARE that is import data.  They should write children's fairytales warning us all about DGA so that we can prepare for this at an early age.  Cause I just got blindsided after 25 years of assuming the world worked a certain way.  Think black hole meets maze meets bureaucracy and you'll have a pretty good perspective on the paradigm shift I underwent during the following steps...

Step 1) Go to DGA website. Search for data but only find PDF snippets (no surprise here).  Call numbers on the page.  First number doesn't work, try the next.  Try the next.  Eventually get through.  Ask in Spanish how to get the data.  You have to go to their office.  Ok.

2) Have the office manager, Raul, take you to the office.  He's busy, so Omar comes to the rescue.  Show up at MAGFOR offices (Wait, MAGFOR and DGA share offices?  Yes.  O, ok).  Ask for data.  Turns out you need to write a formal note requesting it (not an email, but a formal note, on company letter head)

3) Go back to office.  Write formal note.  Have colleague review formal note because you Spanish is anything BUT formal and you do NOT want to offend the beast that is DGA with a grammar mistake.  Figure out how to print formal note on company letter head.  Make Omar drive you back to DGA/MAFGOR.  Drop off note.

If you think you're done, just wait...

Receive a call that afternoon saying that the very same person you spoke to before (who is now calling you) gave you the wrong information.  You need to address the letter to Eddy instead.

4) Re-write and print letter.  Get Raul to drive you.  He forgets, so go later that afternoon.  Drive time takes longer than it seemed to before.  Turns out, there are multiple offices and you're now at a different one.  Hmmm.

5) Drop off letter (or try to). Eddy is actually at this office and not the MAGFOR/DGA one so lucky for you that Raul drove this time and not Omar.  Unfortunately, the lady there says you need a copy of your passport and a letter from an attorney to submit the request to the General Director of DGA.  O, and the data costs $5 per month and $10 per year, unless the General Director decides to waive the fee.  My Nica lunch costs $1.50.  This is pure robbery.

6) Debate whether this is all worth it and hand over the responsibility to your boss.  Focus on researching JUST coffee instead.

I think I am going to start a non-profit website dedicated to navigating the DGA.  O and it will have no pink and no revolutionary slogans.  Think I could get USAID to fund it?